“My social anxiety meant a group trip was terrifying – but I met the nicest people”

As someone who struggles with social anxiety, being around people in a group setting terrifies me. I am generally reserved and don’t jump into conversations easily. I get stressed about the fact that everyone will have exciting things to talk about, and I won’t be able to match that or keep them interested in what I have to say. And when I get overwhelmed, I’ll do everything I can to disappear. I’ll become very quiet, and I’ll generally need a period of time alone to recharge. 

Over the years, I’ve learnt tips and tricks to manage my social anxiety, but it became worse over the course of the Covid lockdowns. I remember at one point going into the centre of London after a long time, with my sister. I just burst out crying in the middle of the street because it was such a big contrast to go from total isolation to having people around. Travelling on the tube is also where I would have anxiety attacks. It can erupt at any point, and I don’t have much control.

Being around people in a group setting terrifies me. I get overwhelmed

However, I do make an effort to push my comfort zone – even when it’s a struggle. Usually this happens at work. My global role in finance means I talk to people from all over the world and regularly engage with stakeholders. It’s the nature of my job that, moving up the management hierarchy, I’ve had to become more sociable. 

Last year, I decided to challenge myself further by booking onto a group trip with Flash Pack to Morocco. It was my first time travelling with strangers. Normally, I go on holiday with friends and family. I rely on them to lead interactions with other people we meet en-route. 

The idea of spending five days with people I didn’t know was terrifying! In my worst-case thinking, our group wouldn’t get along or it would be really hard to find common ground between us. Maybe cliques would form, or we might even end up arguing. 

Of course, none of these fears actually happened. But the only way I could get over worrying about it beforehand was just to go ahead and book the trip. Then it was a done deal, and I couldn’t overthink it. 

I realised everyone was nervous. I thought I’d be the only one

It helped when I found out that our group was smaller than usual. The typical size for Flash Pack is 12-14 people but there were just five of us altogether in Morocco, along with our guide, Hicham Hadida. That balance worked very well for me personally, because I find it easier to interact on a one-to-one basis. 

A game-changing moment came as we all introduced ourselves at our welcome drinks in Marrakech. I mentioned that I felt quite anxious. I make a point to do that because my quietness has been mistaken for arrogance in the past. So, I explained that the trip was way out of my comfort zone. What I really didn’t expect was that my fellow solo travellers felt the same way. As we went round the table, everyone voiced some version of being nervous. That was so helpful to me on that first night – to realise that anxiety was a common thread, and we could be vulnerable together. I thought I would be the only one.

Our first day together happened to be my birthday, too. When we went to dinner, Hicham arranged a cake and everyone started singing. I think for me, that was the worst of the anxiety – I hate being in the spotlight. But once it was out the way, things became easier. 

My group was made up of four of the nicest women I’ve ever met. For me, it usually takes years to get used to people. But in Morocco, things felt more relaxed. I took it one day at a time and – as each day passed – we unveiled a little bit more of ourselves and got to know each other better. 

My group was made up of four of the nicest women I’ve ever met

I was probably most comfortable with my roommate, Lorena. There was something about our relationship that just worked. We both remarked how right Flash Pack had got it, in terms of matching us together. Then another of the women, Sam, was very tuned in to everyone’s personalities. Whenever she noticed me starting to withdraw, she would reference something to connect me back into the group. Everyone in the group was very supportive and always looking out for each other, and I really appreciated the small gestures.

I was happy to let the conversations flow around me, too. There were a lot of “popcorn conversations”, which was a fascinatingly new concept to me. Everyone would be able to seamlessly jump between topics for hours. The chat might turn to anything from the weather to sport or what happened to someone’s best friend. I just sat and listened as they went back and forth – it was fun to see how they navigated it all. 

I tried to participate as much as I could during our week-long adventure together. But there was a lot going on and, by the time we got to evenings, I sometimes needed time out. For me, it was about finding a balance between throwing myself into the experience and also knowing my own limits. And everyone was really nice about it when I did skip the odd meal or drinks.

The experiences were a revelation, too. Normally, I’d be very embarrassed to go out and try new activities for the first time in front of other people. But in Morocco it became the norm. For example, I had the time of my life quad biking in the desert. We weren’t really supposed to race but I ended up overtaking a few people across this other-worldly landscape. I enjoyed it so much.

I had the time of my life quad biking in the Moroccan desert

I think the biggest positive out of the whole trip was the chance to meet some of Morocco’s female entrepreneurs. I grew up in Dubai, so I understand Arab culture and navigating evolving dynamics around gender. I also chair the D&I committee at work, meaning I have deep-rooted interest in equality and opportunity.

In Morocco, we met Siham, a woman leading our street food tour in Marrakech whose business revolved around female empowerment. And there was another businesswoman, Saida, who ran a Tagine cooking class for us all in a Berber village up in the Atlas Mountains. Her house had been damaged in an earthquake the year before, yet she was managing to mix these two very different worlds (of global tourism and her heritage-rich life). 

It was so heartwarming to hear these women’s stories and discover how they’re trying to influence change in their own environments. It put things into perspective, too. My struggle with social anxiety was nothing compared to the barriers they faced.

Would I do group travel again? 100%. My social anxiety isn’t going anywhere, and I’ll never feel fully comfortable with people I’ve just met. But there were so many things that came out of my time in Morocco; I learnt a lot about myself. 

My social anxiety still exists, but I’d do group travel again

Our group still keeps in touch now. I have really good relationships with them all. I regularly meet with one of the girls who works in the same area as me in London. We’ve also had folks flying over from the States to see us and do mini trips around England together. To have that closeness after barely knowing one another – and despite living on different continents – is pretty amazing.

Delite D’Costa works in finance and lives in London. She travelled with Flash Pack to Morocco.